We leave for Ethiopia in almost two weeks and meet Davy in a mere 19 days. This is completely unbelievable to me. I keep running the scenario in my head over and over. Will I be a weepy mess? Will I be calm? Will I be a weepy mess whilst trying to be calm? I really can’t imagine what it will feel like to hold our sweet baby girl.
I am married to a man who knows me very very well. When I am really bereft he can hold me and comfort me. When I am being crazy he likes to poke me with a stick. It makes me laugh and usually snaps me out of my immediate mania. The other night, I was trying to figure out who was going to hold Davy first and who was going to take the video. There HAS to be a video because we need to replay the moment over and over again. Especially when she is a teenager. I told him (being the mench that I am) that I would volunteer to hold Davy first and he could record it. I am a big person that way.
He said “no, no that won’t work at all, because you will be SUCH a blubbering mess that you will drop her and we won’t pass court because your a klutz”. “I won’t drop her, she is the most precious cargo I have ever held, besides I have stopped dropping kids a long time ago.” For the record, I once really hurt myself whist babysitting my friends kid. He was running and I was chasing him (he wasn’t running from me because I was scary- we were playing a game). I fell down. He didn’t. But there was um, blood every where and he totally freaked out. I kind of mean lots and lots of blood. I held it together, got home, cleaned myself up and then we went back to the park. I would like to say that I handled it like the adult I am, even though I wanted MY mommy. We were all fine even though after that little Declan would utter “Lisa Fell Down,” as he passed our house.
Andy likes to use this as bait to make me feel insecure. Again, we both know we will be good parents, funny, loving and adventurous parents. For those who haven’t met Andy, he is the most mellow unflappable person on the planet. He is the adult/child/animal whisperer. You can see him suck in his breath, and just become MORE mellow. Because of this kids LOVE him. I don’t just mean love, I mean LOVE him. Recently little girls have been flocking to him like little love lorn zombies. It’s kind of weird but he must be giving off some sort of daddy vibe.
I am much MUCH more hyper by nature. I prefer sarcasm and word play with little kids. Mellow isn’t my strong suit- although I am trying. That is why we balance each other out so well. To be honest though, I am totally afraid of freaking little Davy out with my giant, wet, smily face and high-pitched nervous giggle. I know these are totally new parent jitters. Frankly, I haven’t really allowed myself to think about it. Or really think of her as this whole little person on the other side of the planet. She has been around for almost 6 months. She has her life, her friends and her routines. We are going to go in for a few hours, disrupt her quiet little life and then leave. She isn’t really going to have time to know us or us to really know her.
I am trying to manage my expectations of this trip- because the time we get to spend with her isn’t nearly going to be enough. I mean the idea that we have to leave her means it’s not going to be enough. Every moment won’t be enough. It won’t be enough until she is home. So we are going to fly to Ethiopia, spend some time with our beautiful baby girl and know that she is loved, healthy and not alone. We will go to court where she will legally become our child. We will travel he country and try to absorb as much of it as humanly possible. Then we will go home and wait for our forever with her. I am by no means complaining. I can’t tell you how excited I am. My friend reminded me about how a few months ago- i was crying because we didn’t have a referral, then openly weeping about our lack of court date. I am sure I will come home and cry my eyes out until we have our embassy appointment. Andy will either hold me tight or poke me with a stick depending on how crazy I am being. Either way, he knows how to make me feel better. He always does. And for that, I am grateful.