I think I am starting to hit my low point in this adoption process. I have been so patient but now I have officially lost my mind and am giving into my emotions.  I mean I am totally an emotional person- so it’s miracle that I haven’t given in before—right?

It might be a case of holiday melancholia- feeling a little resentful that we are STILL childless over the holidays is starting to sting this year. We knew that by we wouldn’t have a kid by Christmukah 2010- but I am starting to feel a little antsy.

A terrible thing happened in Ethiopia – a few babies died. It is the most horrible thing imaginable and a stark reminder that we take basic health care and low infant mortality for granted here in developed countries. Obviously this has an effect on our own adoption. I am not bitching about that—please- don’t for a second that I am. One of my dear friends daughter was one of the three—and her loss had a visceral affect on our community. It’s a terrible terrible loss of a beautiful beautiful baby. My heart truly aches for those families. I give my friend a tremendous amount of credit for handling her loss with so much grace and bravery.

What is concerning me is the lack of movement from our agency and the lack of communication.  There hasn’t been a significant amount of referrals in almost 8 weeks. Frankly it’s really freaking me out. There was recently an article about how Ethiopia is under scrutiny for illegal or immoral adoption and in my (weekend paranoid state) I think that something is “up”. I really need to know what’s going on because it’s making me crazy. I want our fucking referral. I want this process to keep moving a long. It feels stalled. I hope this is temporary- but yeah- today, right now; it’s getting the best of me.

I am posting this- not because I need people to tell me its going to be okay—I know our kid is out there and waiting for us. I always say that adoption isn’t for the faint of heart. I consider myself a pretty brave and wise person, but yeah. Today it fucking sucks an assburger sandwich.