We were in Ethiopia. We were taking custody of Davy. At that point she still answered to Dinku. We had just driven from meeting her birth parent in Durame, came back to the guest house, washed the road off of us. They told us we needed to get formula for the babies. We needed “babylock 2” the only store they took us too had “babylock1” which was for younger babies. There was some debate about going to another store. I didn’t care. I just wanted my baby.

The care center that she had been living in for the last 3 weeks in Addis was a horror show. All the kids were sick. Some REALLY sick. Davy had lost weight between her home in Durame and Addis. She wasn’t thriving. She wasn’t the same Dinku we had met 6 weeks early. I needed her to be in our arms. I needed this journey to both end and truly begin.

Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days ago, Andy and I completed our family. We were so nervous and scarred. We giggled a lot, we both changed her diaper. Heck, it was FUN to change her diaper. She had a bad cold and Andy used one of those snot suckers to clear out her nose, I almost threw up. We laughed at how much we had to learn. I remember being at the guest house and looking up how much formula she needed. Her homecoming came so suddenly, that we didn’t actually have time to think/worry about the mechanics of raising a 7 1/2 month year old.

Here is what we know now. When Davy is scared or nervous, she gets very calm and quiet. We thought she was content, but she was just freaked out. She started to open up pretty quickly. We could see a  glimpse of her personalty. She laughed a funny toothless grin, she was a perfect foil to Andy’s antics. Truthfully it didn’t take us long to fall in love with each other. We are lucky.

Today Davy is no longer Dinku, although she does still answer to Dinkenesh, when our African elders call to her. That makes me happy. Today my daughter is bold, silly, intensely social, active, whip smart and (my favorite) very very brave. Other then her 3 hellish weeks in Addis she has known love her entire life. She has changed our lives, but she has also changed the lives of our family.We are forever connected to Africa.

This week we are on a long road trip, which culminated to meeting our family from North Carolina at Mt. Rushmore. On the way we met a family we saw in Ethiopia. They are cattle ranchers in rural Montana (an hour from the nearest grocery store).Their oldest daughter had given Davy a neck less that she made for her. Davy hasn’t wanted to take it off the whole trip. Davy happily held the big girls hands, she giggled and played with them. She laughed and smiled when I mentioned their names. It struck me that without Davy we wouldn’t have never had the chance to forge a bond with families we would have never had the opportunity to meet. Thank you Davy.

I remember when we had to put our adoption on hold when we first started. I was so devastated. I was my one of my greatest losses. Our social worker told me that it was okay because our baby wasn’t ready for us yet. I tell this to families all the time. Just have faith that your kid is out in the universe waiting for you. I literally thank God every day that Davy Dinkinesh Beach is our kid. Every day. I didn’t even believe in God before we started this process. Davy helped me with that.

I kind of hate the phrase “gotcha day” because we didn’t “get her” we all “got each other”. I prefer famlaversary. It’s harder to say and even harder to spell consistently. It is the day we became whole. Happy Famlaversery Davy Dinkenesh Beach, Happy Famlaversery Andy Beach, Happy Famlaversy Lisa Weisman. I am really really happy we found each other.

Tomorrow we are leaving for a long trip to meet with some family members at Mt Rushmore. Dunno how traveling 48 hours in a car with a 19 month old will go. Wish us luck

Davy’s nap has been shifting to late afternoon. It is good in that we are no longer a “slave to the nap” but hard to quite figure out what to do with all of these hours of activities. Now that the weather is changing- it’s getting MUCH easier. Oregon summers are the most amazing summers on the earth, warm, zero humidity, blue skies.

Davy has taking a major cognitive leap. She has started speaking in sentences. She has always been verbal- she has been talking since she was 9 months old. This new phase is hilarious. Sometimes she gets her little legs stuck in her crib. This morning I came down to check on her and she said “I am stuck.” then later this morning she was sitting at her little craft table and she said, like she has been talking all her life “I want to paint.” She pointed at the paper and paint. Andy and I were both Art majors and we were SO proud. Seriously people, my kid is a freaking art making genius. Also paint doesn’t really taste that great. Just ask her.

After we clean her up/hosed down the entire house, we met some friends to go strawberry picking on Sauvie Island. It was a perfect morning for it. We didn’t go to crazy, we picked a few pints, which Davy stuffed down her gob. The diapers should be interesting…

With music.

This week Davy and I had an awesome play date. We have some friends who came home a little boy from Ethiopia. We brought them food. While Yossi was asleep Davy played/fell in love with his older brother.

Tegegn is 3.5, handsome, funny and sarcastic. They played great together. We have had many many play dates but I think this is the first time that I really witnessed Davy in her own kid world. Really, she could have cared less if I was in the room. Usually she plays tentatively, and lopes back to me to show me her toy. She is an only child of loving, slightly neurotic older parents. We (well I) hover. Because she receives a lot of attention, I think she requires a lot of attention.

This was the first time I have ever really seen her be in her own kid world. It was SO fantastic to see. Her and Tegegn rough-house, and belly laugh. I was SO proud of her. I was SO happy to get to see a glimpse of the big kid she is becoming. I think it was a real milestone for both of us.

The next day I sent my friend a text thanking her, and telling her how much fun we had. She said that Teg told his dad about Davy. He said she was “half baby, half big kid and fun”. Maybe the best description ever.

You can read about who we are raising funds for here

Read about how you can bid on it here

and details about our sweet elephant here

If I don’t do something creative a day I loose my mind. I just haven’t been posting much about them. Tonight I made my first successful dress for Miz D. Here are some of the things that I have been up to.

Davy’s Dress (it was a little hard to get a good photo of her because it was right before bedtime and she was being a little CRAZY).

A little skirt with puppies on it that she wore to the dog park. Mom said she looks like a Portland Hipster in her little outfit. Also, she was eating Hummus.

A secret quilt for our dear friends Ari and Anne. Its the first thing I have ever had professionally quilted and the results are amazing!

A crazy long and fun lace scarf. It was then felted so it looks distressed.

And finally an elephant which you can PURCHASE tomorrow at an auction for a sweet girl in Thailand looking for a forever family.

Last night for my Mother’s Day gift my mom took me to see a movie about African American Jews. It was a documentary and autobiography about a woman who is bi-racial and raised in a very traditional Jewish household. It turns out that her mother had an affair with a black man and she was his biological daughter. However, they never told her or acknowledged it until she was in her 30s. YIKES. The family was in such deep denial that they never mentioned it and just kept insisting that she was a dark skinned Jew.

The film maker does a lot of work on ethnic diversity amongst the Jewish population. It was a great night and brought up a lot of thought provoking questions about identity and race. I was so glad that I could go with my mom.

During the question and answer section I raised my hand and had a question (and a statement). I first stated that everyone in the adoption world should watch her film. There are people (who are allowed to adopt) who insist on raising their children “color blind”. They don’t want to talk to them about race or africa, they don’t want to celebrate where they come from. This film was a good example of what happens when you deny your children who they are.

My other question (which is something I have been struggling with) is how to marry our Jewish identity with Davy’s black identity in a way that doesn’t feel perfunctory (yes she says Oy Vey). The filmmaker had a great answer which is that as parents we need to “do our own work” about who we were, learn about white privilege, race and be comfortable in our own skin. Only then we will be able to guide our children down the path of who they are and become. I appreciated that answer. It was honest and exactly on target.

There was another speaker that night, a professor from PSU that was giving us a talk on racism. I didn’t like her as much because I felt like she was lecturing us (she is a professor after all). The crowd was actually pretty diverse for an event at the Portland Jewish Museum and I felt like she was talking down to us. She was talking about her background (as a mother, teacher and grandmother). Out of the blue she said “and my daughter is getting her PHd and is doing a dissertation on transracial adoptions (literally pointing at me) and let me tell you right now its a hot mess. HOT MESS.” Wha?!?

I am the first to admit that this is tough territory, BUT we are in a room talking about race and identity. I am the first to be self effacing. Andy and my parenting motto is to screw Davy up as much as or less then we are screwed up. I am also working hard to give Davy the opportunity and space to become who she is, and to identify anyway she wants/needs to identify herself. Ethiopian, African American, Jewish, Pacific North Westerner, daughter of honkies, etc. She is a baby but will get there. I think one of the benefit of being a 40 year old parent is that I have been around the block and I think that there are benefits to this. For me the biggest benefit is to say that I don’t have all the answers when it comes to navigating racial issues. I would be worried if I thought I did. Davy is going to have to navigate this terrain on her own. I can’t do it for her. Its my goal as a parent to give her the armor to fight her battles. Give her the love and support so that she feels like she can fight them. And when we have questions, to seek answers that may help her, even if they are uncomfortable.

One of my favorite bloggers once said that we can’t walk the racial terrain for our children. As white mothers of a transracial family all we can do is walk besides our children. Give them a staff to lean on. That is sage advice.

NOW its 7:15 a.m., Davy has been up for 15 minutes and is whining in her crib for me to get her. Her diaper is wet, she was playing in sprinklers all day yesterday, so she needs a bath and breakfast. I gotta go get her day started. Otherwise she is going to be a REAL hot mess.

In the adoption world the day before Mother’s Day is Birth Mother’s Day. Adoption is the miracle of our life. Everyday we do something to honor Davy’s first family. Every night I kiss her three times (for her family that can’t) and we talk a little about Ethiopia. This week I read a blog post that said personality is inherited but character is learned. I sincerely hope we are doing them proud.

I don’t believe in waiting until once a year to honor her first family.