Maybe I am getting a case of the holiday nostalgia bug- but I have been thinking a lot about the last year and trying to process all of it. I love Thanksgiving- the idea of giving thanks is so simple. I love that it’s a non-religious holiday that everyone can celebrate. This time last year Andy was in the 6-week long process of losing his job. It was one of the most agonizing and painful times we have had in our lives.

For the record—I never really wanted to move to Portland, I was happy and content living our lives in Durham for a few years at least. We had friends, family nearby and New York was a short plane ride (or long-ass drive) away. Andy was offered a job here- after much debate we decided to take it and make another life for ourselves.

The weekend before Thanksgiving Andy’s company put him on unpaid leave with hopes of him starting back in the New Year (he didn’t). I don’t really want to get into to details of this process but I will put it this way: they are fuckers. It was Thanksgiving weekend, we were all far away from our friends and family and feeling so lonely and worried. Our dear friend Julie (our first friend in Portland) invited us to her family’s Thanksgiving. It was so sweet of her. While we felt sort of awkward at her family’s event we were so grateful to have a place and so warmed by her friendship and sweetness that it made it a really it a memorable holiday.

Let’s jump forward a year later. Last night we had an impromptu tree trimming party (yeah yeah I am a unabashed Christmas Jew). We had 17 people come over and had only planned the party in 2 days. Julie commented on how much has changed in a year. I had such goose bumps. We have found people, we have made a community, the adoption is moving along. Andy loves his new job. LOVES IT. They get him, he gets them; they are kind-hearted Canadians who have a very different set a values than most American companies. I love seeing Andy so happy in his job. I am so proud of him. I am so proud of us for getting through last year. To quote those t-shirts that make me cringe- Life is Good. It really is. I am grateful and thankful for all of this.  It felt wonderful, amazing and surprising to have a houseful of people and kids. This is our community that I have been craving. I am grateful, thankful and frankly humbled.

Everyone who knows me knows I am one crafty lady. I am mostly a knitter but have spent many hours spinning, quilting and crocheting. My mom and I do some craft shows every year. I mostly make really cute cowls but have started making these pins out of Pendelton wool scraps. Well about a month ago I was fooling around with them and made them into a little bowl. I then filled the little bowl up with some needle felted eggs and came up with something so freaking cute I really surprised myself!  Lots of people have asked how they could help with our adoption. I decided to put these things on my Etsy shop. All the proceeds will go towards our travel expenses. They look really cute on your Christmas tree or Hanukah bush or just to have and to hold. I will be putting more up over the next few weeks. If there is something specific you want- or a color that you are interested in and don’t see- just email me and I will make one for you!

Here is the link

http://www.etsy.com/shop/sexysheep

My husband Andy is a really wonderful cook. He recently made some Wat that even impressed my friends Ethiopian daughter. We have had many requests for the recipe- so without much further adieu- Wat Wat WAT!

One thing I’ve noticed that differs greatly with East African cooking over your typical american cooking is that the spices get cooked with some fat (oil or butter) before being added to other ingredients – often we start sauteing meats and/or vegetables then start adding seasoning to it as they cook. In many African dishes, I saw it called for the spices to be sautéed in either a dry pan or with some fat at the start, then meats, vegetables, stock, etc added. Since I was doing crock pot cooking and since I already had this meal started, I used a sauté pan to make a spice mix, cook it for a bit, then ladled some of the wat into the pan to introduce it. Once that mixture was fully mixed, i poured the whole batch back into the crock pot, stirred it together and left it to cook for the remaining amount of time (about 4 hours on low in this case).

So while this recipe is for the beef version we made that first time, we have since followed a similar recipe and set of instructions with different spices and Chicken Thighs and Peanuts – both were great. Definitely try experimenting with different ingredients and spices, its worth it to experiment!

One last note, you can easily scale this recipe back – we have a large crock pot, so when we pull it out, I tend to fill it to cook so we have plenty of left overs.

Ingredients

1.5 lbs of boneless Chuck (for stew)

1 large Yellow Onion (chopped)

2 Carrots, peeled and chopped

1/2 lb fresh green beans

1 large or 2 medium potatoes, peels and

chopped

3 cans of Tomato sauce

4 Gloves of Garlic smashed & chopped

lightly

3 tbsp Berbere

1/2 tbsp of whole cloves

1/2 tbsp black cumin seeds

8 or so Fennel Pods

2 tbsp of Garam Masala

2 tsp of ground cinnamon

2 tbsp Canola Oil or Peanut Oil

Salt & Pepper to taste

Directions

In the Crock Pot, Add the meat, all veggies, 2 of the cans of tomato sauce and 2 cans of water. If meat is frozen, add it to the bottom of the pot, otherwise, just make sure it al fits in together.

Get it started cooking (if cooking for 4 hours, leave on high, if cooking for 6 to 8 hours, put it on low) In a saute pan, heat the Oil over medium high for 2 minutes. Add the fennel pods first and start stirring (oil isn’t sizzling you may need to bump up the heat, if oil is smoking, turn it down and let it cool slightly before adding rest of spices).

Next add the garlic, berbere, cloves, black cumin seeds, Garam Masala, and cinnamon. Keep stirring constantly. You don’t want to burn the mixture – just get it nice and toasty. After 2-3 minutes of sautéing the spice mixture should have a nice nutty smell and have darkened slightly. Add the reserved can of tomato sauce to the pan and mix throughly (depending on the size of the pan, you may not be able to add the whole can, just add enough to mix together well, then dump the rest of the can into the crock pot. taste the mixture and add salt and pepper to taste (remember there is no salt at all in the rest of the pot, so you’ll want to adjust the seasoning again once you have added spices).

Once you have mixed it completely, add the mixture into the crock pot and stir together thoroughly. Cover and let cook, stirring occasionally (every hour or so). About an hour before serve, check the seasoning and adjust as desired. You can leave the cloves in, but as i’m stirring, I tend to pick them out so people don’t eat them – if i don’t think i got them all, i warn folks eating to keep and eye out for them and not munch down on them.

Serve with Rice or injera. Enjoy!

Today we found out we were number 11 on the waitlist for our adoption. When the woman from my agency told me, I kind of gulped for air as I hyperventilated, let out a squeak of joy, texted Andy and then posted the good news on Facebook. I was then greeted by tons of good wishes from my friends and family. I LOVE the attention. I LOVE LOVE support. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that so many people have been able to join us on this wonderful journey.

But then I got a little blue… why? Because I started thinking about what our kid’s birth family might be going through. Our kid is either born, or about to be born and somewhere he/she has a family that is making the agonizing decision to trust us to care for and raise their child. There is a quote from the New York Times about adoption that I keep with me.

“The miracle of adoption isn’t just the creation of a family from disparate, distant people. Adoption is a phoenix; a miracle that arises from the ashes of despair. A baby is abandoned, a family lost and a whole new world gained. Like nearly everything else, an adoptive family is born of both joy and pain.”

So while we are celebrating our waitlist numbers and all the milestones this process has to offer—I know that simultaneously their is a family in Ethiopia that isn’t celebrating all these milestones and might be mourning or grieving the loss of their child. It’s a basic fact about adoption.

My most favorite kids on the planet are kids that I have known that have grown up with some heartache. I have seen them grow up into pretty amazing teenagers and they will be spectacular adults.  I know that our kid will probably also suffer some heartache as well. There is no denying that in adoption there is sadness and happiness. Friends who have brought home babies say that their children mourned the sudden loss of everything that is familiar to them. As parents- hopefully we can guide them into spectacular adults (that’s the best we can hope for right?) I also know we need to honor that birth family for giving our kid life and for enabling us to become parents.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. I think the magnitude of this is really coming to me in waves. I promise by number 8 I won’t be feeling so blue about this (eight is great). I am so freaking excited about bringing our little one home. I can’t stand it. I just want to know who they are. I want that photo so I can smooch all over it. Thanks for the good wishes—they really keep us going!

We have been in this adoption process since October of 2009. It’s been really an amazing year of many many personal changes. I thought I would do a round up of what I have learned this year:

• Adoption changes– when we put in our application for Holt last year the Ethiopia program was very different than it is today. You got matched immediately after your home study was complete (now its 6-9 months after you have received government clearance- which is several steps after the home study). You only had to go to Ethiopia once—now it’s twice. Random little rules change- big rules change. People who started the process after you get matched with a kid before you. There is no real rhyme or reason in this process of international adoption. I knew there wasn’t going into this process – but I am still a little surprised by how much its changed. The lesson learned is that you just sometimes need to take a deep breadth and “go with it”. There ain’t nothing you can do about this stuff- so it helps to be flexible.

• Having Faith or Belief in Karmic Retribution is Helpful– we aren’t religious folks and really God doesn’t have a place in our everyday life. It helps to believe in SOMETHING. I actually think my more religious friends have a bit of an upper hand here. Again, things change—I choose to believe that every hiccup in this adoption process brings us closer to the kid that is suppose to be ours.  I told myself this when Andy lost his job, when it took months to get our paperwork in order, when I tried to send documents on a holiday weekend- anytime things don’t go smoothly. As our social worker said one “well your kid isn’t ready for you yet”. I think she is right. This process is SO random, its how I choose to make order out of chaos.

• Making New Friends and Seeking Support- I have written about how much I love the waiting moms group but I really want to give a special shout out to my friend Laura. We actually met Laura and Chuck at the Holt Info session. We hooked up with them trough the Ethiopian Adoptive Families group later. They are a awesome couple and have become GREAT friends. Laura is one of the funniest, bravest snarkiest women I have ever met in my life. I think finding someone who you can call up and say “oh my God- what the hell does my USCIS1775 form mean” is helpful. Having someone who you can call and feel blue about the process taking so long (who really understands), someone who you can make countless infertility jokes with and will give you a hug when you really need it is essential.  You fucking rock my rock star friend. Fucking. Rock.

• Embracing the Process in Your Own Way- Some people celebrate their adoption early- some people celebrate their adoption later. There are a ton of milestones along the way that all get shout outs: Homestudy completed (hurrah), Dossier sent in (hurray), Dossier arrives in Ethiopia (hip hip hurrah), Your waiting to be match (hurrah), your matched (YIPEE), you have a court date (awesome), you see your kid (yowza), you bring your kid home (head explods) the adoption is finalized and legalized back in the States (wowee), the kid becomes an official American citizen (just awesome). People choose to celebrate these at different times. Andy and I are just starting to get comfortable with BUYING our kid stuff. Like at the end of the process a kid will be here who needs things like a stroller and crib etc. Laura wants to throw me a baby shower. I simultaneously LOVE and HATE attention. I keep telling her it’s to early for us to think about it. She has just had one (which I LOVED going to). She is cool and understanding about my ambivalence. I am not ready yet- she was. Everybody gets to celebrate they way they want too. It’s lovely.

• Weed out the Horseshit (wow am I swearing a lot during this post)—people say the dumbest things to you during this process. You can educate and educate but people still only listen to what they want. Folks have opinions on child rearing, tranracial adoption and adoption in general.  Some of them are awesome some of them are sweet; some of them are total horseshite. Pick and choose my friends, pick and choose. Otherwise you will LOOSE YOUR MIND.

• Adoption Takes a LOOOONNNGGG Time and Life Goes On- we have been in this for a year. We have been in Portland for a little longer than a year. A year is a long time. In that time both of us have changed jobs, we have taken trips, we have met people, we have had bouts of illness (nothing major), we have lost people that were close to us we were told we have to move (then told we didn’t). A lot of life happens in a year. The adoption is always most in our minds, but yeah- that’s a lot of life that gets to be lived. Embrace it. Right now its 10:30 on a Sunday I am still in my pajamas, Bella is asleep on my lap. I just finished knitting a hat.  We have no real plans today, maybe we will go to Powells; maybe we will go to the movies, I know I would like to have some Pho. We know our lazy Sunday’s are numbered, so yeah- we are taking advantage of it while we can and  still loving every fucking minute of this life of ours.

Peace out!

This whole process has been such a series of ups and downs. The one consistent thing I have been able to count on is the love and support from my family and friends.  An amazing amount of people have been following our story.  Both my husband and I are very vocal and on various blogs, forums, facebook and twitter (@lisaweisman and @andybeach). We have met  folks have chimed in with their stories of being adopted or adopting. It’s really wonderful.

We are relatively new to Portland and have spent the last few years in Durham North Carolina. I really LOVED living in Durham. It was my kind of town- especially after living in New York for almost 20 years and slowly falling out of love with it.  Durham is funky, liberal, has great food, is laid back and is really beautiful.  About 6 months after moving to NC- I joined a knitting group called the Durham String Thing. I actually found out about them on Raverly (where I get all of my life changing info).  My now dear friend Naomi invited me to the group.  Well… after a six months of feeling a little out of sorts –being a loud New York Jew living in the genteel south- I found my people.

The Durham String Thing are loud, hilarious, love to swear, are both very politically correct and absolutely NOT politically correct (at the same tiem) and really very talented.  The group came together at a period in many of our lives where we had just relocated to Durham or were looking for new people to hang out with.  In short- I made an amazing group of friends in a very short time.  And these women (and man) ARE fantastic—funny, kind, creative and supportive.  I really can’t separate the few years that I lived in Durham from my relationship with the String Thing- in my head the two are totally tied together.

The String Thingers  have been really actively following our adoption news and are now going to be the fairy god mothers (and father) of our little one. A few weeks ago- I got a mysterious envelope in the mail from The Durham String Thing. I had opened it up and there was a check in the mail for our adoption! They had held a yard sale in honor of our little one to be! Even writing this I am getting Goosebumps from my head to my toes. I never in a million years expected this. When I opened the card I let out a little yelp and then burst into tears (it kinda freaked Andy out a little)I have moved away over a year ago- and while I long to go back for a visit- I haven’t yet.  They are in my mind all the time.  The money is extremely helpful. The random act of kindness will keep me going when this process seems so hard. When I am feeling lonely, and when I need to remind myself that there are people out there whom I love dearly and who love me back. It’s really powerfully shit. Thank you Durham String Thing- for being the amazing, awesome, loving, kooky group of people that you are!  Now I am going to knit some more…..’cause I can.

I got a giant tattoo! Yup- uh huh- thats my back! Also I might add that I am loving my haircut- but I digress. That’s my Grandfather’s name in Hebrew- he was a tailor. All this adoption stuff has been really making me think about my grandfather and how I am really sad that he isn’t around. Truthfully- I don’t think he would understand the adoption or us adopting from Ethiopia. I do see this kid as such an extension of him though- in a really weird way. My grandfather was a holocaust survivor and he came to this country and made a life for himself here.We are are adopting a kid- who is also going to build a life for themselves. Also there is the whole Ethiopian Jewish connection- which I find kind of  fascinating.  I have been thinking about this tattoo for a looooonnnggg time. My grandfather died 5 years ago. I always wanted to get his name in Hebrew tattooed on me. I recently came up with the idea of the sewing machine. He was a tailor and actually used this really old Singer sewing machine. I am super crafty (more of a yarny than a quilter or sewer) but I thought it would be a cool idea.

I got the tattoo by the wonderful Silje at Icon Tattoo in Portland. If you look at her bio-she is super crafty and was psyched to do the tattoo. My friends who know me know I am a super wimp when it comes to pain. I mean look at this face from when I got my shots for Ethiopia. I am clearly someone who doesn’t like discomfort. This tattoo took 2 hours. Did it hurt? FUYeah. Was it disgusting as it was healing. Oh my GAWD it was freaking DISGUSTING. Bits of black coming off my back- all scaly and unpretty. I have a total respect for people covered in tattoos. You guys are glutton for punishment. Do I love it! I am absolutely thrilled with the way it came out. I love that my grandpa is on my back forever!

Andy and I have had a busy week with adoption stuff. On Wednesday we had the second round of our Hepatitis shots. We need one more and then we are inoculated against many many nasty bugs on the planet. As Andy says “I can’t wait to eat some raw pork sushi” well not really- but yeah- you know.Who are we kidding- he probably would. Andy took a photo of me getting my shot and I am posting it because its hilarious. I am making such an over dramatic face! I am such a wimp- thank GAWD I don’t have to go through natural childbirth!

Also this week Andy and I got fingerprinted for the UCIS paperwork. Once your dossier has been approved- you have to start working on the immigration part of the adoption. This is truly just more paperwork- but its vaguely complicated. We had to go to Homeland Security (no cellphones allowed) and have our “biometics” taken. Really just fingerprints. My mom (who is out of town) has to go next week. Hopefully they will be able to find her fingerprints- this time! Homeland Security does more of a background check and then we get notification that we can “receive an orphan”. It sounds antiquated- but it basically means that we have jumped through enough hoops to accept the referral.

Finally- we got an email this week that our dossier is in Ethiopia! All that paperwork we put together is now in the hands of Holt staff who will match us to our future child! Hurrah Hurrah!

Here is the photo of the door to the fingerprinting office. No cellphones or camera- but I felt the need to take a photo of something!

This spring we started a waiting moms group. It has been so wonderful and supportive. While we are all so different we have so much in common going through all of the ups and downs of adoption. I don’t think anyone can really truly understand it until they have gone though it. I am so glad that these women are in my life and get to share the process with them. This month THREE members of our group (there are only like 7 of us) are going to pick up their little ones from Ethiopia. I truly feel like when one of us gets to bring home their kid, we kind of all get to bring home our kids. These women are so extraordinary and brave. I am SO grateful that they are in my life. I can’t wait to meet their little ones. Many many congrats to our no longer “waiting moms”.