Adoption Update- 2010 Can Kiss My Tuchas

Well, so far the year has been super interesting. On January 3rd Andy lost his job. Yup the job that we picked up our lives and moved across the country to take. Yup, that one. It has taken me a while to write about this because I have had to let my anger subside. All we are aloud to say is “it wasn’t a good fit”. So that’s all I am going to say about that—you can infer the rest.

Obviously this has affected our adoption plans. When this happened our immediate reaction was to move back to North Carolina. It’s cheaper to live, we have a house, close close friends (holla) and a community that could offer support. While we were trying to figure all of this out. I received a phone call from Holt (our adoption agency) because they haven’t heard from us in a while. Eventhough all I have been doing was thinking about this adoption and we have been saving money for the home study- I never thought to communicate this to our adoption agency. I was pretty sure they could read my mind. Guess not.  I spoke maybe the nicest woman on the planet at that moment. This was the WEEK Andy lost his job- and everything was so fresh and raw.  The woman kindly suggested that we put our adoption on official “hold” until we figure things out. They could still be our adoption agency (if we moved back to NC)- but obviously we need to get things sorted and figure out our next steps.

This doesn’t sound like much now- I mean the word “hold” is so temporary. By the time I hung up with her I was a crying mess. She reminded me that this wasn’t permanent and we could pick up the process when we move back to NC. She also said that she has been (sadly) having this conversation a lot.  Adoption takes a long time- and people’s lives can change a lot in a year or two. She also has a lot of clients who have lost their jobs during the process. There are lots of babies in the world who need good homes and ours is just out in the universe waiting for us.

Now I have never been pregnant or lost a baby. I have witnessed several friends who have gone through this devastating process. This was as close as I have ever come. I was so excited and committed to this process and SO looking forward to having a baby by Christmas that this blow was just absolutely heartbreaking. I was in a pretty deep depression for several weeks. I couldn’t figure out why we were brought here and what kind of lesson we all needed to learn to get through this. I have to say I relied on my husband (who gracefully let me be angry at him), my mom (hugs) and the love and support of my good friends. The best and kindest words (out of so many) came from a dear friend who said that my misery as a testament to how much and ready I am to be a mom. That helped a lot.

So hear we are now- about 5 weeks after Andy lost his job. He has had several good interviews and will hopefully have an offer in the next few weeks. Nobody has a job in Oregon (the unemployment level here is very high) and the fact that he could pull himself up and find a job so quickly just shows how fierce and wicked smart my husband is. I am looking for a job too. I have also started spinning yarn again. I had kind of a slump when I moved here but thanks to a well-needed kick in the ass from a client and dear friend- I am back on track making things and feeling productive. I am looking for a job too- to help defray the cost of the adoption and to move on with my career. It looks like we are staying in Oregon. I am sad we aren’t going back to NC- but I think somehow we will end up there again. It also means that after we catch up on some bills- we can start the process again. So ultimately we didn’t loose too much time.

I keep saying this—adoption is a very random process. It’s as some ways just as random as having a biological child. We get put on list- a baby comes up and we get that baby (I am simplifying a lengthy process). We don’t know if it’s going to be a boy or girl, a newborn, or a toddler. We don’t know what he/she will look like, what their laugh will sound like or anything. However this I know—when we bring home our smart and funny kid we will be so thankful that all this shit happened to us to bring us together. That is what is helping us through this.  Peace out.

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3 thoughts on “Adoption Update- 2010 Can Kiss My Tuchas

    1. I know that it may seem funny to you that I am posting to this blog so far behind, but I could not stand to read these at the time all this was happening. I could hear the heartbreak in Lisa’s voice when I talked to her on the phone, I could hear the discouragement and shame in my son’s voice when we talked to him.
      Lisa’s heartbreak because she so wanted to be a mother and had finally reached the point where she and Andy had decided that there was room in their hearts for that little person that was to be theirs. The discouragement and shame in my son’s heart and voice because he had felt that after the long hard road they had gone down as a couple, the difficult times that Lisa had gone through with him. That after all that he finally had a job paying decent money and he could give Lisa the things he wanted to give her, but most of all if they could not have a baby of their own, then he was making the money it would take to adopt that child! The shame because after all the highs and happy times and the long exhausting move across the country; now they were gonna have to start over again. I love both of these children of mine and am so proud of them and I know that all will be OK. I knew this even in those days when all of this was fresh and new and I know it still today!

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