This Job of Mine

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When I lived in New York I had a corporate job doing Public Relations and Marketing. I was there for a long time and it was a difficult job. I had many bad days there, but there was this one day when I had a breakdown at my desk. I was working on a project, pushing to get it done, my boss left me a voice message saying that it totally sucked. She had seen it a million times at that point (and was fine with it), it was due in 2 days and it just “sucked”. She didn’t tell me how to fix it or even if I had to fix it. She wouldn’t answer my phone calls. It just sucked. I was exhausted, emotional, and burnt out. After I got her voice message, I just cried my eyes out. Not the highest point in my professional career. Actually, after that job I don’t really have a professional career. I can’t stomach it, or who I allowed myself to become after working there. I like to count that moment as one of the low points in my life. Not because the project sucked, but because I let it get to me.

The last few weeks with Davy have been really difficult. Almost as hard as that day at my former job. Davy at 16-months is turning into a tiny adorable handful of trouble. She has started hitting and having tantrums. I know this is normal stuff. Maybe a little young, but normal. As a new mom who is almost 41 years old- I am kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. I have been removing her from the situation, holding her so she looks me in the eye and say “no hitting momma”. Everybody I have talk to says we are doing the right thing- just being consistent about correcting it. When it happens she has been laughing at me. LAUGHING at me. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next 18 years? Probably. I know this is the job I signed up for.

This problem is compounded by the fact that Andy has been traveling almost every week for the last month and will continue to do so until mid April. This might be part of the problem, I am sure she misses her Daddy. She is a total Daddy’s girl. She has a lot of language, but isn’t really able to express herself at this point.

I was hesitant to write this post because I know its hard to put out there for people to read. Blogs and Facebook are meant to celebrate the finer things in life. I understand that. When we were in process for adoption I remember hearing people bitch about their kids and think “Stop bitching at least your kid is home”. I don’t want people to think for a moment that I don’t love this child of mine or that I don’t have love that she is in our life. I do. I do. I do.

It’s just that some days this job of mine is a toughie and there isn’t really anything I can do to immediately fix it.

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5 thoughts on “This Job of Mine

  1. Hi! I don’t have any words of wisdom for you since I’m not a mom yet. So I have no idea what I would do when presented with these behaviors, I’m sure I will learn soon enough and you will read my blog where I’m venting like crazy about it. But I don’t think you should hesitate to post how you feel or what you are going through, therapy takes many forms. I actually value parents being honest, that it isn’t always sunshine and butterflies, it’s a true representation of what makes up parenting. So long story short, say how you feel and own it, keep strong and know there are people out there supporting you:)

  2. Hang in there, babe! This was the age where yes, my mother spanked her toddlers…. I don’t remember being spanked, but I remember my brother used to run out into traffic, and every time she told him NO, no matter how stern she was, he’d LAUGH. Not that I’m recommending spanking, because lord knows what a slew of comments you’d get on your blog if I did (!) but just so you know, they *all* do that. Just think what a wonderful job you’ve done in the time that you’ve been a family together, that this child will laugh in the face of danger (ie, angry mommy…). All parents I know have been frustrated by this stage: one friend (who won’t spank her kids) does “flick” them with one finger if they’re doing something that hurts someone else, and one squirts her kid with a spray bottle full of water when he screams for fun, because she was afraid otherwise she might, as the comment above mentions, flush him down the toilet instead. And I know a stay-home daddy who keeps his sanity by filming tantrums and posting them online – I think it’s his way of giving himself a little objective distance from the situation. 🙂 Once they’re properly verbal it’s so, so much easier… Plus, you have so many years of loving revenge ahead of you! My favorite form of teen-torture is to wave enthusiastically at the school bus when it goes by. Emily and Angie are *totally horrified* by this. Just think, once she’s eleven you can, oh, go out in public wearing a hat, or something, and she’ll be mortified. And then you can say, “Remember when you were naughty when you were a baby? No? WELL I DO! mwah ha ha ha hah!” And then go right on wearing the hat.

  3. Oh,Lis–I think you doing just right. It must take all you strength not to laugh back at her when she laughs at you!

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