So I have a friend name Jude. Everyone should have a friend named Jude. She is my BFFs sister. I have known her for 20 years. Jude is a family psychotherapist who also happens to be a parent coach. I am so grateful that Jude is in our lives. When we are stumped we call Jude. When Davy just came home and I had no idea what the heck I was doing. We called Jude. Davy was not sleeping. We called Jude. Davy was hitting. Called Jude. Davy started jumping out of her crib. We called Jude.
Do I think every single person on the planet can benefit from a parenting coach? Yup.
I am not one that likes to use blanket statements about how other people parent. Sometimes I just think that you need someone outside of you who can help you through a problem. She has the key to toddler and kids brains that us as laypeople don’t. I also happen to agree with her take on things. She is pragmatic, funny, kind and an amazing listener. She has also parented a pretty spectacular kid herself, if her kid was insane- I would worry. She knows us really well but hasn’t met Davy. The other day I called because of Davy’s recent spat of taking off running down the street. She said. “Well Dave’s a woman on a mission, we just don’t know what yet. Once we figure it out we will help her get there.” Perfect. In the mean time, her suggestions of getting davy not to run “the silent treatment for short periods of time” have worked. Davy gets it that momma is upset and mad that she runs. Now she pushes me, but well that’s another session.
Jude lives in DC. She does phone sessions. I have a friend who just had a baby. I gave her a few phone sessions as a gift and it has been great. Yes I am doing a shameless plug, but seriously if you are feeling freaked out, or overwhelmed. Just called Jude. You won’t regret it. You really wont.
Here is her info
We play the game on our Ipad called Endless Alphabet. It’s super cute. The letters are little monsters and Davy has to put them in the puzzle to spell the word. When she gets it- she gets a little video that defines the word.
The game defines courage as “When you have courage you are being brave even if you are a little scared.” This has really resonated with Davy. Whenever she does something a little scary – like climb to the top of the slide- she says “Look Mom. I have courage”.
You do sweet love. You really do.
I haven’t been blogging lately because I have been in a pretty dark place emotionally. Davy at two and a half is total hell on wheels. I mean what else would you expect from our bright and feisty girl. We have been ramping up or the “terrible twos” but now that I am officially in them. It’s like I am living with a giant succubus who is slowly eating away at my soul. Sounds a little dramatic. Well its been a crazy long day, so what’evs.
It’s actually not the tantrums, or the whining that is getting to me. It’s her total disregard for any authority that I may have over her. I find myself YELLING. I talk loud but I am not a yeller. It’s the way I say “Come on Davy” and she takes off running in the other direction. It’s the way she can now climb out of her crib (buh bye naps). It’s the way when we try any kind of basic discipline- she just laughs in my face. This is exhausting. I am totally worried that I am raising a tiny asshole. I know its a phase, I know she is normal- if not a little extra precocious. I know this precociousness will serve her very well in life. I know this is taking up so much of my emotional energy that it leaves little for other relationships, my marriage or any tasks that don’t give me immediate joy (like cleaning). There are lots of benefits to being an older parent, but energy level- its just not one of them.
So what do you do when you are emotionally overwhelmed and physically exhausted? When you are sleeping poorly and constantly dealing with a pooping and peeing, sassy toodler. Get another dog…..
A few weeks ago I decideed it was time to get a canine pal for Miz Bella. Bella went through a period of deep mourning after Georgia died. She still howls with loneliness when we leave her alone. She has always been part of a duo and her saddens was breaking my heart.
Two weeks ago my friend Audra and her wife Loren came for a visit. Audra is a pet adoption specialist who works for the San Francisco SPCA was visiting and we had many discussions about what our future dog would look like. Andy has wanted a bulldog for years, I wanted a rescue Mutt. Must be mellow, easy, good with kids and other dogs. Last week Audra emailed me a photo and description of “Patsy” an American Bulldog mix. She is two. She was smiling with her funny teeth. Audra told me she is so good with other dogs that they use her as the dog that they train the more aggressive dogs with. She is mellow, not needy and has had a bunch of training. We knew she was our dog.
SO we took a 50 hour trip to San Francisco to go get her. Davy for the record did the car trip like a champ. The rest- not-so much. We renamed the newest member of our family Moo Shu Pork Beach. She is everything we could hope fore. She is the sweetest, most easy-going dog we know. The best part Bella LOVES her. LOVED her immediately. So there you have it. Maybe Moo will turn into a pshchopathic ax murder when she is two and a half. Probably.
Bella’s face says it all
Posted this on Facebook
and then this happened
This two-and-a-half stuff might just kill me.