I have been a total bitch. Yup. I am publically admitting it. I have been extra grumpy to Andy, I have been short with close friends, I have been getting into angry political debates on facebook. I am not really myself these days. I am depressed and feeling a little angry. Depressed because Davy is still in Ethiopia (it’s only been a month for crying out loud), depressed because I am really not doing what I want to be doing with my life. I am depressed because my life feels a little teensy empty the sweetest girl on the earth in our lives every day. I am temping. I don’t want to be here. It is also making me angry and annoyed. I am trying to deflect with humor, but I think it might be a little more biting than usual.
I am so ready for this to be over with. I am sick to death of waiting or those Tuesday updates from our adoption agency. I am tired of not knowing when we get to bring our girl home and start our forever with her.
I am trying to make amends with the people, trying to be extra nice to Andy. On Saturday I made him bacon. I called it the Bacon of Regret, salted with my tears of unhappines, bla bla bla . I am trying to keep myself busy and distracted. I am also just trying to give myself a little break. When you are running a marathon the last few miles are the hardest (so I have heard).
So yeah, If you talk to me, and I really don’t sound like myself- it’s because I am really not. I am taking appointments for happy hour though…
3 thoughts on “Please Forgive Me.”
I’m so sorry Lisa! But I wanted you to know you are not alone. I was really depressed for about a month after getting home from Ethiopia. There is no way to prepare for how hard it will be. I wish you calmness and strength til you get back with your sweet little girl.
Thank you for being brave and cool enough to say out loud what others have experienced ( or acted like). Guilty here more than once. But , damm, I don’t wish this on anyone. It will be a marathon for a while if that makes sense. Happy Hour?
Girlie……..I get it!! Thank you for saying all of it out loud. I haven’t been able to put it into words lately and of course you said it for me again!! Beautifully written again!!! And just to let you know…….I love you too!!! Miss you way to much to explain!!! Erika 🙂