Today I had a brief email conversation with a friend who is moving from Oregon. She was talking about how much she was going to miss us (her friends through adoption). Since we have moved a lot, A LOT I offered to give her advice if she felt like she needed it. It did make me think about my friends and how we are all scattered all over the country. Thanks to twitter, facebook, texting, email, skype etc. The world is a much smaller place.
Yesterday I texted our embassy news to a group of my closest friends, Davy-pie has a lot of aunties who also are very invested in her coming home. My oldest (not chronically but in years we have known each other) called me last night.
Stacey and I have known each other literally all of our lives. I have no memory of not knowing Stacey. Both of our mother’s share a best friend, who is our mutual Auntie Barbie. Auntie Barbie and my mom (Bubye Barbie) have also known each other their whole lives. Auntie Barbie has a son but no daughters and truly treated us as her own. In some ways Auntie Barbie was easier then both of our mothers (maybe because she wasn’t our mother). She swears a lot (so do I and so does Stace), she is sarcastic as all get out and she always knew what to say when we were upset or bereft. When I was a teenager, Auntie Barbie was the adult I turned to when I found out my parents were getting a divorce. I just remember her coming into my room and crying and crying as she held me. Auntie Barbie is fucking awesome. Now that Davy is in the picture Auntie Barbie has been upgraded to Auntie Barbie Auntie Barbie or Auntie Barbie (x2). Auntie Barbie (x2) has already picked out a husband for Davy. His name is aptly Dovid and he is the offspring of a Jewish woman and her African American husband (a docta nonetheless!!!) What could be more perfect for our Davy! Oy vey, don’t make me kvell. It’s beshert!
So to make a long story short- Stacey is Davy’s Auntie Barbie (no pressure). Someone who has known me my entire life, been there through all of the most embarrassing phases. She consoled me when, in 1984 Bruce Springsteen didn’t marry ME but settled on that bitch Julianna Phillips (I was 13). She knows the theme to my bat mitzvah and hasn’t posted it on Facebook (yet) really it’s SO embarrassing. She was there for me when all of my grandparents passed away. She was in my wedding. We can talk on the phone and it’s like a day hasn’t passed. I would like to think that I have been there for her. I got to witness her awful haircut in the 6th grade, her very brief and mild rebellious period and her love of Bryan Adams. Really Stace? Brian Adams. She did marry a Canadian though.
Stacey and I talked last night about the adoption. She reminded me that God only gives what you can take. She and I don’t talk about God much and Stacey knows about my mostly ambivalent relationship with him/her but I loved that about Stacey. She made me feel calm, loved and whole. It’s a statement only a lifelong friend can make to her cranky other lifelong friend. It’s the perfect thing at the perfect time. She said it in passing and then we went on to talk about other things, her work, my work, her dog, my dogs, our husbands, my love of Tila Tequila etc. Like old friends should.
I am sensitive about saying that Davy is “lucky”. The universe is so random. But I can say that I feel lucky. I have this beautiful daughter coming home; I have a wonderful group of women in my life that can prop me up when I fall down. Teach me how to love and be a friend, by example. I know Davy will be lucky enough to have these same kinds of friendships. She will have her funny and wonderful Auntie Barbie (x2) and Auntie Stacey (x1) and a host of other people pulling for her. Who will be able to say “I knew you when…. And then make fun of her.