I have been in a creative frenzy. I started making these little changing pads/random absorbent baby items for my adoption friends. They are made out of cloth diapers. I sewed some fancy fabric to it, added a tie and then quilted it all together. I have no general purpose in mind for it- but I figured they looked like cute and handy items.

I also made a slew of tea cozies for some friends. The pattern came from this awesome craft blog. I am a huge fan of her patterns. They are super easy to read and follow. I love her aesthetic. I am a big big fan.

Here is a close up:

And finally I made Davy an Elephant. It’s also from the Retro Mama website. I think I am going to do the bunny next. This was a pretty challenging project for me and I am very please with the way it came out. We call him Timothy, Timothy Olyphant. Not bad considering that i have also been working full time over the last two weeks. At least I am being productive. I am so thankful that i have all of this craftiness to keep me sane. Seriously, Dunno know I would do without all of this stuff.

This week the State Department issued this warning in regards to Ethiopian adoptions. It means that there are current plans to cut the amount of adoptions down by 90%. From 40 cases a day to five. For the record, I totally agree that there has to be move oversight for adoptions. The Ethiopia adoption program has gown so much that it is good that they are concerned for the welfare of their kids. I am glad. Also there are some nefarious agencies out there that do some nefarious stuff. Things like baby selling, baby steeling, telling parents their kids are going to be “educated abroad” and they are unknowingly being adopted by western families.

I feel really confident in our agency and the really awesome work they do in Ethiopia. That is why we chose them- they are major players and have managed to continue adoption programs in countries where a lot of agencies have closed shop (e.g. China and Korea- because the wait is so long).

All that said- I am totally freaking the fuck out. I spoke to our social worker and she was confident that this would be resolved. She kind of laughed at me for balling my eyes out on the phone. She laughed in the same kind of way Andy laughs at me when I am being a little crazy. It felt nice- but I am still worried.  There are a TON of rumors on all of the message boards. Some say that they are going to increase the numbers back to 20 cases a day (a 50% increase) some say it will take another year until our kids can come home. I am hoping that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Our agency saids us daily reports but they don’t really know how this is going to impact our kids or the Ethiopia program. That’s the problem- nobody knows – or if they know nobody is saying.  It’s driving me fucking insane. Hello Adoption Roller Coaster. Thanks for the peaks- I think we are about to go down another hill again.

On another note- last weekend was Davy’s baby shower. It was a truly magical weekend. I felt so lucky and loved to have so many people in my corner rooting for us. It was wonderful to watch old friends mingle with new friends. We have been in Portland less then 24 months and it was overwhelming the amount of people who came out to wish us well. I feel lucky and loved. Davy is loved, Andy is loved, mom is loved. We are surrounded by some pretty magnificent people.

Also we got an updated health report on Davy. She is happy and growing. It says that she “laughs a lot” (she is my daughter). She also “Cries when the nannies leave her” which is good because she is attaching. Right now the care center in Durame Ethiopia is her home. I know she is being taken care of and I know she is lucky to be loved by so many people, both here and in Ethiopia.  We also had some really wonderful and surprising news- my friend was in Ethiopia picking up her kid and she briefly saw Davy! She was touring the infant room and saw Davy’s Ethiopian name on her crib. She said she recognized her from her GIANT eyes, Head FULL of Curly hair and her lovely pointy chin. She tickled her tummy and Davy smiled. Also Davy’s crib neighbor is my dear friends daughter! They are totally buddies! I LOVE that. I LOVE that our daughters are starting out their lives in the same place. What an amazing connection those two will have.

So yeah- it’s been an emotionally exhausting week. Such wonderful news about our Davy. Such worrisome news about what is happening in Ethiopia. Truly I don’t know where to put my emotions right now. I do know that I am SO grateful to my family and friends for such wonderful support. Keeping Calm and Carrying On has never been my strong suit. The Calm part still eludes me. I am trying to celebrate the good. I am hoping that this gets resolved in a why that brings our kids the happy and joyful life the deserve. I hope this process doesn’t emotionally break me.

I CAN’T STOP KNITTING TINY TINY SWEATERS!!!!!

I made some little buds for Davy’s little buds.

So I was never a girly girl. I only started wearing the color pink in my thirties.Then I thought I thought I was being ironic.  As a kid, I never wore dresses or skirts. I played with horsey dolls not baby dolls. Barbie was dead to me. Now that Davy is coming into our lives people have been giving us SO MUCH PINK. And you know what? I am cool with it. Andy and I said we were going to buy her clothes that aren’t pink to counter all the pink coming into our lives, but we totally aren’t going to fight the pink thing. We know we have a small window of influence to dress her how we like before she starts requesting pink. But that said- we are also embracing it too. People have been giving us tons of clothing and most of it is pink. Who are we to be totally picky when it comes to others generosity?  My neighbor recently gave me a bag of clothing and she said “you aren’t going to fight the pink thing are you” . Nope. Thanks for the awesome clothes.

I was recently at my friend’s kids Valentines day event and i noticed that literally every single little girl was swathed in pink. My friend Gillian’s daughters are always swathed in pink (and they are feisty little kids). I think that pink can mean both girly and strong. I was having this discussion with another friend and she said that she thought denying your child their little girl femininity was in fact a very un-feminist thing to do. I love that statement- it put it all very much in perspective. Yay for strong pink- wearing feisty little girls!

That said, here is a photo of Davy’s sweater number two (in teal) with little ladybugs on it.

Since I updated my blog roll today I noticed that a lot of folks have their adoption timeline listed on the side of their blog. I haven’t a clue how to make that happen, but I figured I would do a post about the random dates. They are so important now that we are in the process but will probably fade and be replaced with new milestones.

So here is a list of important dates so far:

• October 22, 2009 – Application approved by Holt and our 9^th wedding anniversary
• January 3, 2010- Adoption officially put on hold while we figure our life out
• March 2010- Figured life out, started paperwork for the home study
• May 12, 2010- First Waiting Mom’s meeting
• May 21, 2010 – First Home Study interview
• July 24, 2010- Dossier sent to Holt
• November 12, 2010- Davy was born in Ethiopia
• January 25, 2011- Matched with our daughter
• February 17, 2011- Notified that our paperwork was submitted to court in Ethiopia

 There you go a snapshot of adoption in 16 months. Holy cow are we ready to be done with this process and have our girl home. Right now we are waiting to hear when our court date will be (hopefully in May). People keep asking me if I am more anxious now that I have a photo. Actually I feel amazingly calm. It still feels weird to say her name. I know she is being cared for and loved in Ethiopia. It makes me sad that we aren’t there, but also she has been in care since she was a pretty new baby and that is her home. I can’t wait to shower her with tons of affection and attention (I am a Jewish mother after all).  Right now I am saving up my anxiety up for in between the first and second trips. Then I will be a freaking wreck. Right now, I am enjoying the smooth sailing.

Also if I included your blog in my blog roll and you want to be taken of- just let me know. I won’t be offended.  OR if I didn’t included your blog- I am happy to add it!

We got a bunch of new photos this week of Davy. We are so thrilled and in love with our daughter. We have been sharing the news with EVERYONE. I mean EVERYONE. Does the checkout person at Target really need to see photos of Davy? I think she does. The guy at the gas station? Yup. Uh huh.  By all accounts people have been really lovely. Since Davy Beach IS the worlds cutest child- it’s a little hard not to fall completely in love with her. The Ethiopian government won’t let us post photo of her on our blog of Facebook until she is home- but let me just say- HOLY CRAP is she a beauty. WAY cuter then if Andy and I made a kid on our own. She has the hugest eyes on the planet, the sweetest little round month, glorious lips (coming from her mother who has no lips) and maybe my favorite- a tiny pointy chin. I can’t wait to gobble that chinny chin chin up.

So yeah, we are in love and feeling happy. People don’t always know the right way to react to photos of our daughter. For the record, adoption language is nuanced. I was recently with a group of adoptive mothers and they kept using the term “bio kid”. I love that term and would NEVER had even thought of it until a few years ago. So I don’t really expect people to always use the right lingo. It’s hard, it really is a new language.

That said, some people have said some really amazingly politically incorrect things. Yes, I am Davy’s “Real Mother”. Yup, she really also is Ethiopian. And we will raise her in America. Nope her birth parents didn’t “just give her away”. Some people say really really dumb things. I think its good practice for when they say dumb things in front of us and her. My first attack is to try to figure out if folks are saying it because they don’t know any better or if it’s because they are a little mean spirited. Mostly people are just don’t know better. But some people are also assholes.

There has been a lot of questions regarding her birth story. We aren’t really talking about it. It’s her story, not ours to tell. And we will tell it to her from the first day she comes home and for the rest of her life.  A woman asked if I knew her birth story I said “yes”. She said “What is it?” I said “We aren’t going to tell,it’s for her to tell not us.”. She then got frustrated and told me it would be easier if I just lied about it and said I didn’t know. I am really not a liar, but I thought maybe she had a point. Some people get it when I tell them that I won’t tell them- some are assholes about it. Again, for me its about figuring out the intent of the question not just the question.

So today I showed someone a photo of Davy and she said “I can’t believe her parents just left her.” I didn’t like that response. I didn’t like her assumption. She pissed me off. I didn’t even think she deserved the “We know the story but aren’t going to tell you it.” line. You know what I did? I shrugged and moved on.  And you know what? She actually got the point that I wasn’t going to talk about it. It did shut her up- quicker then if I gave her an ounce of info. She was fishing and I wasn’t taking the bate.  Am I proud of this? No, not really. Am I trying different things out? Yeah. Did I like that one? Didn’t quite feel right. Does everyone get a lengthy explanation of Davy’s life story?  Nope. If Davy was in my arms would I have done the same? Maybe, maybe not. There is a difference between getting pissed off and shrugging it off. I sometimes thing shrugging it off and having a thicker skin to this stuff might be the best plan of attack.  I dunno. I would love to hear from other adoptive parents about how they deal with it- without getting into it. I am happy to get into it sometimes, but sometimes I want the short shrug response. It would be helpful (for both of you who read this blog) to give me snappy suggestions.

Another thing that gets me is when people say “how lucky she is.” I know what they are really saying is “You and Andy are going to be great and fun parents”. I know its just a way of complimenting us and giving us good wishes. It’s hard to just say “Thank you” though. I have been saying “Actually we are the really lucky ones” and leaving it at that.

Luck is a funny thing. My father loves the phrase the “Weisman Luck” which is the series of random events that enabled our family to remain intact and escape the Nazis. THAT is luck. Is it lucky that Andy and I couldn’t have our own bio kids? Is it lucky that Davy has to live so far away from her home and country? If Davy turns out to be mediocre in Math (or something) do we think “damn we are sooooo unlucky”. I don’t think so. I feel profoundly thankful and grateful that we get the honor of raising this beautiful and amazing child (who may or may not be good at math). I feel happy and proud of myself and Andy for taking the road that has lead us to her.

I think with adoption (and so many other things) the answer is always a lot more complicated then the question.

The photo is of Davy’s first hand knit sweater. It’s really cute but will be even cuter with our wee girl in it.

I am a lucky lucky lady. A few months ago I started volunteering at the Africa House Senior Art Class. I have written about it a million times. I really love doing it. Seriously love doing it. These folks make me smile and give the worlds best hugs.

I think when we talk about international adoption its totally natural to focus on the kids. I mean its about the kids right? I also think its about the elders and learning from their history and trying to absorb as much as the culture as we can. Aside from the art class Africa House offers ESL classes, and provides much- needed resources to the community. The profits of this art work goes directly to helping the Africa House seniors.

Not everybody has the time to volunteer. BUT you can totally help the program by buying some of their art. Their wonderful, amazing, inspiring art. It’s not even that expensive – as far as art goes. Besides- wouldn’t it look awesome in your  or your kids room. So yeah- buy some art from these people. It will make your (and their) day!

I totally call dibs on the Lion for Davy’s room.

Here is the link to the etsy page!t

The last few days have been a blur. We are having a party on Saturday to celebrate our new arrival. We went to Target to check out baby stuff. Holy canoli (trying to swear less now that I am a “mother”) kids need a lot of crap! It’s been good. We have been super happy. We can’t stop staring at her little face and giant piercing eyes. She is a beauty.

My husband has some software that turns photos in to a cartoon with thought and word bubbles. He totally did one for me and Davy. It made me laugh. I am bummed that I can’t post the actually photo but I will try to explain it. He used the photos of me on the phone with our social worker and our two referral photos. In one referral photo her tiny fist is up by her ear and she looks pretty serene. The second photo we have of her it looks like she was in mid gas- her giant eyes look surprised, her lips are pierced and she looks like well- like she just farted and kind of surprised herself at the same time. It reminds me of this video. It’s a really funny photo- that’s how you know she’s our kid. The photo was taken when she was 10 days old and she already has a ton of personality and attitude.

So here is the totally fictional conversation between me and my daughter:

Me (one the phone): Uh, Hello, who is this?

Davy: Who am I ?!? Lady you called me- who the hell are you??

Me: Uh, I am your mom

Davy (making her poopy face) Oh man, I think i just pooped myself a little bit

Me (laughing) Me too

I knew yesterday was going to be a good day because I woke up and turned on the tv exactly at 8 a.m and the movie Meatballs was on. For some reason I thought this was a good omen.

I spent the morning puttering around the house. The night before we had gone to Back Fence PDX (a storytelling event) and it was a late night. Andy woke up late and we watched a little bit of Meatballs together and then some of the news. He took a shower, I went to work in my craft room- again just dawdling.

Around 11 Andy and I went to New Seasons. I had a totally esoteric list of things that I needed Quinoa, Honey, Miso. I was joking that this list should have been on the website White Whine– because it was SO Portland.

I also shared a few texts with my former boss because it was her birthday. Now we will always remember that date.

Then I went to my friend Kirsty’s house. She has two little kids from Ethiopia that she brought home 5 months ago. We were just started chatting when the phone rang. I had just saved our social workers cellphone number in my phone- so I saw it was her. She had called the day before with a random questions. When I picked up the phone she said “Don’t get excited- i just have a question”. So when she called yesterday I thought that she just had another random question. I didn’t think it was “the call”. Instead she said “So if the baby’s room Pink or Blue”.

My mind went numb- I had to run outside and scream and shout. I didn’t know if I should ask the details or race home to Andy so we can hear them together. I also wanted to be the person who got to say “your a father.” So much was going through my mind. She said it was a girl! I flipped out. I had SO expected a boy. A girl- oh my gawd- what the heck am I going to do with a girl!?!?!? Andy totally wanted a girl!!!! I was screaming and crying all at once. I couldn’t breath. I was thrilled and so excited. Andy later asked if I threw up and pooped myself all at once. He knows me so well.

Four weeks ago- i thought that this would never happen. Three days ago I though this was would never happen. Monday I thought this would never happen. Then it happened. My friend thought to get her camera out and took some photos of me as I was on the phone with Kathie, our social worker. They are amazing photos- so funny.

My mom came over- we cried and hugged each other. We talked to everyone in our lives. All of our friends and family picked up on the first ring. They knew it was coming.

Our daughter’s name(feels CRAZY to write that) in Amharic translates to the word “Amazing” she is amazing. A survivor. We are going to call her Davy after my grandfather, also an amazing survivor.

We are going to take the next few days and feel elated, relieved, in love and excited. We know that adoption is a bitter-sweet experience. Our girl has had plenty of heartbreak in her short life. It feels selfish to be so happy. We are going to give ourselves a few days to feel good. The process of becoming a family for us has been so hard too. I know that we are meant to be together. That she is our daughter. All the hiccups and delays brought us together. She is amazing. Amazing. I also know that we need to be profoundly grateful. Adoption is so bitter sweet. After we are done with celebrating our daughter coming into our lives- we will sit back, light a candle and thank, thank thank her birthparents for giving us the awesome opportunity and responsibility to raise their beautiful and amazing daughter.