Our friend John made this graphic for us. The baby might look a little different than ours- but you get the picture and I think it’s a pretty funny image. The idea of waiting in line for a baby is SO WEIRD but as he said “it’s all so hard it’s good just to embrace  the weird” so we are.  We are actually (at last count) number 31- so we have moved up seven slots. I keep saying this – because its totally true- that this number system is so totally arbitrary. There are 31 families waiting for kids from our agency. Some are waiting for older kids, some siblings, some girls, some like us a baby- 10 fingers and 10 toes.  I don’t know if knowing where you in the process is better or worse. I think if I didn’t know- it would be worse, but knowing and also knowing that there is no logic in the process is a toughie too.  Our agency also said that it’s now going to be a 6-9 month wait for a referral (e.g. photo of your kid).  I am hopping time moves quickly. You will know when we get “the call” because you will be able to hear my scream of joy all the way to New York. No need for phone calls! I got’s a booming voice! Andy will say in his own quiet way “yeah that’s a cute kid”. Okay True Blood is on and I am rambling. Thanks for the cool Graphic John! Hopefully we can update it when we get to the single digits 🙂

This weekend was our much anticipated yard sales. We made almost $300 bucks towards the adoption and have enough stuff left over to run another one next month.  I really feel very fortunate. We have only been in Portland for a year and have accumulated really a wonderful and supportive group of friends. These folks not only donated a ton of stuff for us to sell, they also helped us organize the sale,  came over and kept us company, and even started a lemonade stand (too bad we got rained out. Nothin’ like a couple of urchins hocking lemonade). All of this made me feel incredibly loved and really truly lucky that we have found such awesome folks in such a short time. Hurrah for everyone.

Here are some highlights of the sale:

We jokingly put price tags on the dogs (Georgia was $5 and Bella was 50 cents). A young man we will loving refer to as Meth Mouth – truly thought that Bella was a good deal and really wanted to buy her. No, I mean really REALLY thought she was a good deal (he couldn’t figure out why Georgia was so much more money). The meth obviously affected his sense of sarcasm. Sadly Bella has the WORST taste in men and totally would have gone home with him. After my conversation with him- where I stated firmly that they WERE NOT for sale. We put them inside for a while. Better safe than sorry.

My second favorite thing: I decided to finally part with the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” which I thought was ironic because it was an adoption sale. It obviously hadn’t worked for us. The person who bought it was a man wearing that t-shirt of the three wolves howling at the moon. You know it. Yup. I have said it once I will say it again. Hope it works for you fella!

Here are a few other photos from the yard sale:

My Scottish friend Gillian parting with her Scottish girl doll. You can tell she was sad to see it go.

Bella REALLY asking to be stolen by Mr. Meth Mouth

The weekend was a smashing success! So much fun and I really loved being surrounded by our friends. We shut down the yard sale early (started raining). Had a beer (one of the 10 reasons why adoption is funner than pregnancy- and yes is said funner) and then headed over to the Ethiopian Adoptive Family of Oregon summer picnic. It was wonderful to see all the kids and talk to the parents. THEN we got to watch Mad Men. Can it BE a better weekend. Oh now I am eating a cookie.

I haven’t updated in a while. Lots has been going on! We sent our Dossier to Holt on my 39th Birthday- July 22. They approved it on July 26 and at that point we were officially “on the list”. This means that we might get a referral (e.g. kid) anytime- but really more like 4-5 months. Our agency Holt- gives people a number so they have an idea of how many people are also waiting and where you are on the list. We are #38. However this is a kind of random number because it lumps all the families together (folks waiting for older kids, siblings, specific genders). Families waiting for older kids actually have to wait a lot shorter then folks like us who want a wee baybay. Numbers aside we still have a good 4 month wait in front of us until we hear anything.

In the mean time- we are in the process of doing the immigration part of the adoption process. We have to do this after we finish the dossier- so I just sent in the first form the I-600a (catchy title I know).  We did get a notice that they got it in the mail. Now we are waiting for our fingerprint appointment from the Feds. The problem is- is that Mom is going away for 5 weeks and it will TOTALLY be when our appointment is! Bah! Nothing is easy in this process. I was assured that it’s pretty easy to change. I am just anxious about any more delays in this process. After our finger prints are processed and Home Land Security says we can be parents- we can legally accept an orphan. In theory all of this happens before you get a referral- its just all a waiting game now.

Also- we found out this weekend that we have to move. It’s okay- and our landlords are really wonderful people- who really wanted to make sure that us moving wasn’t going to fuck up the adoption. They want to sell the house and would like us out by early spring.  When I called Holt- they said it should be okay once we get a referral and passed the immigration stuff. I think it will be okay. I kind of love proper North Portland and St. John’s so we will look there. It will just be our 5th house since 2007! You think I would be good at moving by now! Or more minimal in our taste of furniture. Sadly we are neither…..we do consistently find fabulous places to live in- so I aint too worried. Mostly it just feels like we are hemorrhaging money.

So this adoption stuff is very expensive. Andy and I have managed to save enough for most of the actual adoption fees- but we are still quite a bit short for the travel expenses. We are hoping to use Andy’s copious amount of frequent flyer miles- but everyone says its tricky because the dates are so not flexible. Hopefully we can use them for at least an upgrade when we travel home with our future screaming child. I am certain our child will be screaming home on the airplane because, in my youth I have been a total bitch to people with screaming children on airplanes. As someone who is turning 39 in a few weeks, I understand how karma works. And yeah, it’s a bitch.

SO we have two FUNdraisers plan. I hate doing this stuff so I am really working the FUN aspect of it. First we are going to have a yard sale in early August. We are totally taking donations for this. If you have crap you want to get rid of- give it to us. We will sell it. Since we moved so many times- frankly we don’t have THAT much crap. Don’t get me wrong- we have crap- just not THAT much. So anything will be beneficial.

The second thing I am working on is a craft sale. I am super crafty- and I figured if I made stuff- folks may want to buy it as a way of helping us with the fees. I promise it will be good stuff. I am selling handspun yarn, scarves, pins and some fantastic (if I don’t say so myself) little coasters. We are going to have an actual craft sale in Portland at my friends house and I am going to upload stuff to my etsy site-so peeps don’t have to travel to get it. Also if anyone wants to donate a handmade item to our craft sale- I would be more than grateful!  Above is a sneak peek of my super cute coasters.

Andy and I had to get our travel shots. The nurse was really super nice (I am only calling her a bi’atch because she poked me. If you poke me you get called a bi’atch. Don’t care how nice you are bi’atch). We had to start getting them because some of them you need six months before travel.  The nurse called me a drama queen because I screamed every time she jabbed me in the arm, but yeah- they freaking hurt!

I only needed six shots (Andy seven) because I was lucky enough to get hit in the face with a baseball 5 years ago and already had the tetanus shot. Lucky lucky me! If you are wondering here is what you need in order to go to Africa:

1. Hep A and B
2. Meningococcal (for Meningitis)
3. Polio Booster (thanks Dr. Saulk)
4. Typhoid (don’t call ME Typhoid Mary)
5. Yellow Fever (not a good color on me)
6. H1N1 (cause it was free and what the heck)

We have to go back in a month and get a second round of the Heps and (i think) yellow fever. I am also going to get malaria   meds (even though we are only going to be in the malaria effected area for 24 hours). They are suppose to give you crazy dreams. CRAZY dreams. I already have crazy dreams- so that should be um, funnnn…. by the way- the cost like $1000. We didn’t really budget this stuff when we started the process. Ouch bi’atch.

It’s been a while since I blogged. Stuff is moving along very slowly. So much of this adoption stuff is out of our hands- that I am practicing the art of accepctiance and patients. Neither have been my strong suit. Andy says I have to be careful because I have so little that I shouldn’t use it all up now. Here is an update of what’s been going on:

Home Study

We  completed the home visit part of our home study. When you think about it- it sounds like the most stressful part of this process. The idea that a social worker is coming to your house and checking to make sure its safe for a kid. I also spent a lot of time in my own brain obsessive over our interior design choices, our dogs behavior, thinking about cleaver hiding places for Andy’s bourbon collection and generally getting myself into a thither.

For the record I REALLY love our social worker. She is so mellow and unflappable. She has been working in international adoption for 20 years and has a daughter that she adopted for Korea. Her daughter works at the Apple Store and K (our SW) and Andy totally hit it off. I knew in my heart of a thousand hearts that she really wasn’t going to judge us on our quirky art collection or that Bella is a um, close talker.

Really the home study went great. She plopped down on the sofa. Georgia and Bella were totally mellow and plopped down beside and fell asleep while she asked us questions. Andy had a meeting so really when I showed her around the house- it was more like giving a friend a tour.  Easy like Sunday Morning!

Here is a photo of Georgia all blissed out next to our Social Worker. I swear that woman is like the DOG and People Whisperer- cause I was totally stressed until she got there and then I was like ahhhh. I also got to knit during the interview.

Mom’s Fingerprints

My mom also lives with us and has to go through some of the security clearances that we do. She has to get fingerprinted by the State of Oregon and by the Feds. She did hers a while ago- and they came back because she um, doesn’t have any finger prints! Apparently- as you get older they get worn off- this pretty common, but kind of sucky nonetheless. It was fairly amusing to go with her to get fingerprinted because they used all kinds of tricks to get them to pop up. I have been a totally moisturizing Nazi and prior to our appointment- I kept sticking lotion in her face demanding that she moisturize! They actually put tobasco sauce on her fingertips to try to get them to pop up. Nope. We have three sets that we sent off with a letter saying “this is as good as its going to get peeps.” Last week (about 5 weeks after we sent them in) we got a letter saying they accepted the finger prints! Hurrah

Next Steps!

We are waiting for the finalized version of our home study report (they needed Mom’s clearance before they could send it to us).  Once we get it- we take a mini road trop to Salem (the State Capital) where we get everything State Certified (level above Notarized) then our stuff goes to the Holt Eugene office and we OFFICIALLY GET ON THE WAIT LIST. Can you image- after all these months- we aren’t “officially waiting”. Oy vey. Apparently there are around 40 families in front of us. Some of them are waiting for older kids, siblings, etc. We can expect probably a 4-5 month wait until we even find out who our kid will be. Nonetheless- a lot of the adoption folks really celebrate when they get on the wait list because it’s a major milestone in the adoption process. We are soooooooo freaking close! I just want to hurry up and wait.

Funny story number 1: I was at the yarn store (no big surprise there) and I mentioned that we were in the process of adopting a baby. The woman behind the counter asked “What Kind”. Me “DuHHH HUMAN” I said snarkaly. She kind of looked embarrassed- so I laughed and told her the whole story.

Funny story number 2: I was a bitch to my mom today. Not a major bitch- but yeah she is always hot and I am always cold so I was being kind of bitchy about her turning the heat on IN MAY. Andy said “Stop being a bitch to your mom”. I apologized (like a grumpy 12 year old). Mom said “Oh don’t worry- your is coming VERY soon”

And finally- My Auntie Barbie is the funniest person on the planet and she referred to our baby as a Beachtheopian. That made me laugh. If you don’t kn0w- Andy’s last name is Beach. Our baby is going to be a baby Beach (not Weisman sniff sniff)/

The first of our two interviews for our home study was this week. We were just excited that the process is moving forward. I was thrilled when Holt told us who our social worker would be–we had met her before at the Holt open house and she seemed totally unflappable. Before our home study began we had to fill out a really long questionnaire – that had super personal questions on it- ranging from our religious and child rearing beliefs to our family history.  We also had to provide them with 4 letters of recommendation from friends. Consequently- I think she had a good idea of who we were and what we were about before we walked in the door.

All the other adoptive families I have met assured me that this isn’t such a big deal. Frankly, I was more excited then nervous – however my excited energy is almost the exact same as my nervous energy – so if you don’t know me- you would think I am an insane spazz (which is totally correct).  Also when I am excited I become wildly inarticulate and giggly and probably swear waaayyy too much. It’s like someone when some says don’t say the word “blue” and I can’t help but yell “blue blue blue blue” like someone with tourettes syndrome.

Andy- knows I am a totally competitive person and he bet me $300 that I would fuck the whole thing up.  Thanks baby.  It made me HAVE to prove him wrong!  Our Social Worker said I didn’t screw it up and he owed me $300 bucks (which goes to the baby fund).

First our social worker talked to us together. She had just gotten back from a trip to Ethiopia and had lots of tales to tell.  She also told Andy about the internet access. Gotta  love my husband- he isn’t at all worried about becoming a dad, bonding with his kid, going to another country, traveling with a group of people we may love or hate- but he was REALLY worried about the internet  connection in Addis.  Fortunately for us- there is a Hilton and a golf club that both have internet connection. Andy also has 10 billion Hilton points so he is hoping we can use them there. We can’t actually stay at the Hilton when we go to pick our kid up (some legal thing). But hopefully we can stay there when we go for our shorter court visit. It has a pool….

She also said that the current average wait time for a kid by the time the Home Study stuff is approved (ours will be done at the end of June) is NINE MONTHS.  And that’s MAX!!!! There is a chance our baby might be here for Christukah!!!!! That’s three seasons away! Amazing!!!!!!!!!  We also put down that we wanted a kid 0-12 months old (but were pretty flexible up to a point).  I think once our Dossier is approved- this can all move pretty freaking quickly. Almost at the same rate as an actually pregnancy (‘cept I can drink all the booze I want and eat sushi).

After she talked to us together- she wanted to interview us separately.  Andy went first ‘cause I had to pee. They were in there for about 30 minutes. I can hear laughing and every once in a while. Andy is a total pro at this stuff- he is funny and charming. I REALLY wanted to put my ear up to the door but I TOTALLY knew I would get caught.  Then it was my turn. I had practiced (in my head– kind of Miss America style) all the answers to these complicated questions I anticipated.  I had LOFTY answers about race, religion, the responsibility of raising a kid, etc etc etc…

She seriously asked me totally easy and straight forward questions like, describe your mom, your dad, what did you like to do as a kid? How did you celebrate the holidays?  Name 3 words that would describe you (funny, enthusiastic and kind-hearted). Andy said his was (sarcastic, pedantic and- I think snarky). He is all those three things- I call him pedandy as a nickname. The home study interview was really quite fun, informative and pretty laid back! Not such a big deal!  It does make this whole thing seem so real!

Next week- after we get back from San Francisco she is going to come over to the house. Hopefully Bella won’t feel the need to deep tongue kiss her and Georgia won’t feel compelled to show her knife skills. She just takes a look around, will talk to mom and ask us a few more questions. Then we will be all done with that. I am working on the rest of our dossier documents. Our parenting classes are in June. After that we can send our stuff off to Ethiopia and get put on the list for a baybay!  Hurrah a Baybay!!!

We took these photos after the interview. I like this photo of Andy because he could be interested in Senior Care, Adoption, Sandra Yang or Real Estate. He just wanted me to get ON with it….

As oppose to me the used car (or baby) sales woman…

Another great thing happened this week! I met some “Mom’s in Waiting”. We all met through the Holt Yahoo Group and all live around Portland.  We met in Beaverton (the middle). It was freaking awesome!  There were 5 of us total and we were all in different parts of the process. Some folks are waiting on court dates and to travel to pick their wee ones up- other were waiting for a referral and (of coarse I am always last) I was just waiting to get my act- I mean- dossier together.  We sat the table at Starbucks and laughed our butts off for almost 3 hours. Because some folks were further along in the process they could help with more practical things- but really it was nice to know we were all in the same boat and could just commiserate and laugh a lot.  My transition to Portland hasn’t been very easy.  I am used to having a great network of friends around. I think I got fairly lucky in North Carolina because I stumbled into the Durham String Thing and found an awesome group there. I have made friends here- great fun people- but it has been slower than I would have hoped.  So this felt really great. We are going to try to get together once a month.  Hopefully our group will transition from coffee to playgrounds and juice boxes as our little ones arrive from Ethiopia.

Okay- Here is a link to the giant New Yorker article on international adoption.  It’s a really good article and I am glad that a link exists because I made my mom make a million copies of it to be sent to various people and that took up a lot of precious precious printer ink!

Also the author wrote a follow up– I really liked his take on fatherhood and adoption!

Happy reading peoples!